I ask myself this at least once a day. Do I love being a teacher, a therapist, a mentor... Absolutely, there's no doubt in my mind. But I've always wanted to do "more". I've always felt like I was meant to do more than what I'm doing. Which, rationally, doesn't make any sense because I'm already doing quite a lot.
As I'm typing this, my 1-year-old cat, Felix, is scratching for me to move my laptop and curl up in my lap. Wouldn't life be simple if a small gesture of affection could be "enough" rather than always wanting to do "more"? Sometimes I wish I were capable of that kind of satisfaction. My own ambition is sometimes my own worst enemy. When I really want something, I am relentless to a fault. I suppose it's just who I am and that my intentions are inherently good.
I want to reach a bigger audience with my music because I know how important, even necessary, music is for survival. From my own experience, it's gotten me through some really tough teenage years in middle school (but I'll save that for another post).
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't know what I'm doing. The more I delve into the world of songwriting and the music business, the more I realize how cutthroat and fake it is compared to the morals I hold close and my "tell it how it is" style of songwriting. At least at the very beginning stages. So what am I doing? The near impossible task of, well, changing music. I must be crazy to think I can accomplish this, but then again, maybe not.